Ruinous

As a directed public service announcement, I must proclaim the secrets of pant maintenance to enlighten Allah.

1) If you are tearing your trousers, remember, a stitch in time saves nine. Trite, but true.

2) Allow me to acquaint you with the grand appliance known as the washing machine.

3) Goodwill. Cheap slacks.

4) Lee Pleated Stain Resistant Performance Khakis. Need I say more?

Happy pant maintenance. Cheers.

hln

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"Two Legs of Lamb and a Small Turkey"

Hey - anybody else who saw Instapundit's turkey pic trying to figure out what breed of dog that thing is? Brian's sure it's Snoopy.

Traditional. Uh huh.

hln

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Trey Givens: Capitalist

Trey Givens is in Peru.

But now we know why he went. He's going to bring back a bunch of this stuff and sell it for its street value.

*wink*

hln

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And You Thought Viking Kittens Was Funny

Yes, another silly picture. This one courtesy of Harvey of Bad Money. Very worth a look. There's something about cats standing upright that just cracks me up.

Happy Thanksgiving.

hln

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Be Careful What You Laugh Out Loud At

Jed from Boots and Sabers brings you a picture of triumph over anorexia.

What a day I'm going to have - giddy already.

hln

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Oh Baby!

Found this site via Ilyka who found it on LeeAnn's site. Oops, guess that means I haven't visited LeeAnn yet today...best remedy that.

Bad, obnoxious baby names.

At any rate, the commentary on this bad dog is very, very, laugh-out-loud funny. So it's a can't miss.

hln

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Hoot!

Found a quiz via Brian.


Your soul is bound to the Fourth Totem, Solomon:
The Owl. Solomon appears as an azure feathered owl. He
embodies wisdom, judgement, reason, and
stability. He is associated with the color
azure, the season of autumn, and the element of
water. His downfall is farsightedness. You are most compatible with Ravens and Monkeys.

Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

He's a monkey. We're compatible.

hln

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Famous! Famous, I Say

Ah, so appropriate for Bonfire day. I am the _only_ hit on Yahoo for "naked women on mitsubishi eclipse."

Poor guy was sorely disappointed that the pic just turned out to be the "individualists" posing for the sake of art.

Still clothed after all these years,

hln

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Same Idea, But I'm Just Not As Funny

Scrappleface touches on the Chewable Contraceptive idea.

(2003-11-17) -- The new chewable birth control pill approved by the FDA today will soon be marketed in the caricatured shapes of famous women like Kate Michelman, Senator Barbara Boxer and Hillary Clinton.

"We got the idea from the Flintstones vitamins," said an unnamed spokesman for Warner Chilcott, Inc., of Rockaway, N.J., the company that will market the pills for manufacturer Bristol Myers Squibb.

Flintstones aplenty.

hln

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Weekend Quiz

You are mRNA. You're brilliant, full of important,
interesting information and you're a great
friend to the people you care about. You may
have sides to you that no one understands. But
while you understand more than most people,
you're only half-there most of the time.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Okay...that's accurate? Half where?

Found at One Little Victory

hln

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Wacky Headline

I read this thing four times and then had to glance at the first paragraph to figure out WHAT THE HELL IT MEANT!

Chocolate Firm Eyes Diet Tips Amid Obesity Debate

Chocolate - mmmm.
Firm Eyes? Oh, like, you mean get rid of crow's feet?
Diet Tips? I give those.
Amid Obesity Debate? Yeah...

A leading British chocolate manufacturer said on Friday it may include diet tips on its product labels as sports stars and celebrities were criticized for promoting unhealthy food blamed for a sharp rise in child obesity.

OH! I see. No Botox. Even that first paragraph is a little clunky.

Cadbury Schweppes, one of the world's biggest international beverage and confectionery companies, said it had not decided what wording would be used on the labels, aimed at its British market, but added it would not be a warning.

"It is true we are looking at a number of options to provide better labeling for the consumer in terms of understanding what a balanced diet is," a spokeswoman for the company told Reuters.

Cadbury announced the move as The Lancet medical journal called for a stop to stars endorsing unhealthy food and amid warnings from health experts that obesity among children is a time bomb waiting to explode.

"Celebrity endorsement of junk food has to be banned," The Lancet said in an editorial, adding to a growing chorus of criticism in Europe and North America that foods and sweets with high fat or sugar content are causing a huge increase in obesity among children.

Obesity. Time bomb? I don't see it, sorry. It's that whole choice thing, y'know.

hln

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The Name Game

I'm hopefully a master of my namesake; I'd bet Brian is, too.

"A lot like like Boggle, but with numbers instead. Use your number sense and math skill to get high scores. Challenge yourself."

I'll report back when I know for sure. Those number things are sure harder than letters/words.

hln

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Robbery: A Product of Choice?

Crazy!

SAO PAULO, Brazil (Reuters) - The Brazilian (news - web sites) woman with the most body piercings in the world -- 1,903 -- fears returning to her crime-ridden home country as she would attract so much attention she could be robbed.

The last time I went to Brazil, I had to wear a face mask because since I have a lot of jewelry (pierced to the skin), I fear being robbed or attacked," Elaine Davidson told Reuters from Edinburgh in Britain where she lives.

Brazil has one of the highest crime rates in the world.

Davidson, who has been outside her home country for 10 years, won an entry in this year's Guinness World Records book after starting to pierce herself four years ago. In Edinburgh she runs a Brazilian restaurant.

She considers feeling pain a motivating factor in her life and says she also walks on beds of nails, fire and bits of glass.

"I like pain, I love pain," she said, explaining that she now wants to surpass exceed 2,000 body piercings.

The extremely creepy lines?

Her genitalia is the body part where she has the largest number of piercings -- 500 in all, externally and internally.

"It hurts in the chest as well," she said. "I had to take some out because of the silicone, the doctor asked."

Okay - I have now effectively quoted you the entire article. Thankfully, I found it AFTER I finished consuming my lunch.

I have four piercings - one in my left ear, and three in my right (the one with no feeling). I can't wear earrings, though, because of an adult-onset metal allergy. This woman would have more fun with her "pain" addiction if she had my condition.

I'm think I'll put a sign on the external wall of my cubicle that says "Normal."

hln

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Poor Typing and Pseudo Insightful Moments

Attach and Attack are only one letter different. Discuss.

hln

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Ah, the Gender Genie

Everyone's run some prose through the Gender Genie by now, no?

I've probably put 15 pieces through it of varying lengths and only ONCE has it ever categorized me as female. Bad Gender Genie.

Virginia Postrel has the best quote ever about this quirky little piece of code. I thought I'd share.

And I'm a heterosexual woman with raging hormones and an evolutionary-psychology-approved waist-hip ratio of 0.70. I'm not masculine; I just like definite articles. I'm not saying gender is socially constructed, but I wouldn't recommend that anyone look for dates based on Gender Genie scores. It's not just me and not just opinion journalists, D Magazine's restaurant critic, Nancy Nichols, reports scoring 100% male, while executive editor Tim Rogers says, "Turns out, I'm a chick."

Whap! She smacks down out the waist-hip ratio. She throws the definite article curveball! My hero.

hln

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Blog Chicks Pix

James Joyner is linking to many of my body parts.

Elbow shot, anyone?

hln

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Strange Lingerie

Steve Hall of adrants finds some strange things. Today's evidence is the "no smoking" bra.

Triumph International, a Swiss-based underwear maker, has developed a bra which it claims helps women quit smoking with embedded perfume capsules that react with cigarette smoke making it unpleasant smelling. The capsules contain lavender which has a sedative property as well as jasmine which alters the taste of cigarettes. The bra is also treated with liquid titanium to break down cigarette smoke.

Make sure you click on the link. The picture's hilarious.

hln

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Sunday Spam!

Yes, I received SPAM with my Hotmail account. Shocking, no?

I actually opened this one, and it makes good blog fodder. Sit on the porch step (preferably in a virtual warm climate), and read along with me.

I bring you the 911 Review.

Here's what I "learned":

• Osama is a Patsy!
• Charges brought down the Twin Towers!
• There's an Ongoing Coverup!
• Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel!

And, oh, so much more! You, too, can be enlightened.

Psst...and Harvey, check out this Bad Money.

Too bad I'm no longer a grad student. I had a really good time with a militia rhetoric pamphlet once. This'd make for a longer paper.

hln

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A Woofer's Debacle

Varg the police dog ignored his assignment. And he paid the price.

OSLO, Norway - When Varg the police dog was sent into a candy factory to track down two intruders, his sense of taste got the better of his sense of duty. The German Shepherd nearly ate himself sick.

Leif Berglund, of the police in the central Norway city of Trondheim, on Thursday said police were called to the Nidar candy factory after seven 13 -to 15-year-olds were found helping themselves to candy after they broke in.

Five surrendered at once, but two ran away. So police sent Varg to follow their trail. What he found was the trail of candy they left behind, as well as more candy in the building.

"He helped himself greedily," said Berglund. He said he was so full of candy "that we had to immediately transfer him to a more urgent assignment" on the lawn outside the building.

The article goes on for another couple of paragraphs, including a short sentence indicating that the dog will not face disciplinary action. I'll bet he's learned his lesson.

Poor dog. I'm blogging this because of the tongue-in-cheek "urgent assignment."

What a euphemism!

hln

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By 50

I found this via Kelley of Suburban Blight. Thought I'd answer this list myself since I seem to be both boring lately and in a writing slump.

1. Say her age without hesitation.
All of the time. I'll show you my gray hairs, too.

2. Celebrate each birthday.
Well, of course!

3. Take better care of her body than she does her house.
Got this one down. My poor house suffers for it.

4. Do something that really scares her, just because it does.
Riding my bike on Olive when I'm just a couple of months past learning the clippy shoe thingees. Yep.

5. Stop waiting on her children.
My children meow.

6. If she`s still chauffeuring kids around, seize control of the radio.
N/A

7. Be able to name her senators and congressman.
Hmm - I think I'm missing one. Fortunately, I know the website of how to find them, so hopefully that counts for something.

8. Vote.
Almost always.

9. Know the difference between a stock and a mutual fund.
Not a problem. So many similarities, though - losing money...

10. Insist that doctors treat her with respect.
Got that one covered early. Lots of experience.

11. Stop smiling when she doesn`t feel like smiling.
Geez, I learned that at like 16.

12. Worship and obey her instincts.
Yes.

13. Drive a car she really likes.
1999 Mitsubishi Eclispe - big dog spoiler. Bright red. Covered.

14. Do something charitable that nobody knows about.
I'm not sure that the NOBODY point is covered...no, wait, it is.

15. Stop comparing herself to fashion models.
What are those again? Fitness models - yeah, okay, I should quit that because I look like the before of a Mesotech commercial when I make that comparison.

16. Get angry when it`s appropriate and not apologize.
Yes.

17. Distance herself from friends who take but don`t give.
Done. Wait, do I have friends?

18. Stay up late on occasion just to remember how it feels.
I probably have to schedule this one.

19. Decide that false modesty is tiresome.
Modest? Moi???

20. Ignore people who enjoy putting others down.
Covered.

21. Forgive her parents for their shortcomings.
My parents have shortcomings?

22. Forgive herself for past mistakes.
Mistakes are just life shapers - regret nothing so long as you don't repeat the bad stuff...especially if you're happy where you are today.

23. Know exactly how much money her family has in savings.
Almost to the penny.

24. Make sure her name is attached to all major assets.
Yep.

25. Quit deciding what she`ll do when she grows up.
Oh, ouch. That's a tough one. Can I retire when I grow up?

26. Floss regularly.
Have to. How else would I get the blackberry seeds out of my teeth?

27. Stop studying her face for new wrinkles.
What're wrinkles again?

28. Resist the urge to buy any face cream with the word "miracle" in the ad.
Is face cream sunscreen? No, wait, it's acne medicine, right?

29. Have the world`s most com- fortable or luxurious pajamas.
Oh yeah. Victoria's Secret.

30. Cease trying to please everyone. Abraham Lincoln was wrong. It may be possible to please all the people all the time, but you will kill yourself in the process.
I think I got over this pretty young. But not at work.

31. Master the art of being completely still.
That balance thing - I know.

32. Reconnect with siblings. Friends come and go but siblings are forever.
N/A.

33. Take up a sport she thought she was too old for.
AGAIN? What now?

34. trace of embarrassment.
I missed something here.

35. Know how to talk to an auto mechanic.
Uh oh - schedule that, Heather.

36. Pick the household chore she hates the most and assign it to someone else.
Yeah, cats - clean the toilets.

37. Buy something extravagant just because she wants it.
Do this too often.

38. Discard clothes that don`t fit. (You will probably never be, say, a size 6 again, and it`s okay.)
5 bags donated earlier this year.

39. Feel free to express an unpopular opinion.
I'd rather keep most of those to myself. Unless I feel strongly, of course.

40. Know how much life insurance she has.
Probably not enough.

41. Be comfortable confronting authority.
I fought the law, and the...law won. I probably fit this bill.

42. Stop saying yes when she wants to say no.
Done - long, long ago.

43. Be kind to her joints.
Yep - stretch. Luxurious baths. Keep the muscle around them strong.

44. Have a kitchen she enjoys cooking in.
Eh, not bad. I could use one of those island thingees.

45. Teach her husband to cook so if she should die first he doesn`t spend his remaining days eating tuna out of a can.
He can grill! And microwave!

46. Correct people who tell her that she looks good for her age by saying "This is what 50 looks like."
I have to wait a while for this one.

47. Take up an artistic pursuit such as painting or playing the piano without feeling silly about it.
Why would I feel silly. Okay - knitting MIGHT make me feel silly.

48. Boycott movies in which a 60-year-old actor romances a 21-year-old actress (just on principle).
If you want to - it should say.

49. Learn to love Jane Austen
Can I just watch the movies?

50. Give up the notion of being a "good girl" because she`s not a girl anymore.
Uh, okay.

All in all, an interesting list. The thing that has me most stymied is what my next sport's gonna be...

hln

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