The Twelve o'Clock Flasher

Get your minds out of the gutter!

I hadn't seen this yet, so when I opened the e-mail from my friend Tim, I had a good humor day starter. And if you haven't seen it yet (likely you have), it's worth five minutes of your time.

I present to you "Internet Help Desk." I have so been that guy.

hln

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And While I'm Mostly Away...

I would like to kindly remind you that there is plenty of solid, well-written Noggle posting conducted by the greater Noggle.

Brian invents a new curse word at the expense of one of the Democratic "finest."

And then he reminds you about your paltry salary.

Good night. I'll tell you all about bon-bons sometime tomorrow.

hln

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A Break?

Well, I really haven't managed to post this week. Or read. I'm miles behind, and I think I may take a bit of a break until I get my feet back planted on the ground. See you...sometime soon?

hln

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New Blog Showcase

This week brought some fine writing.

I enjoyed reading Rose Buroway, Political Scientist from Discourse.net. Although the author and I probably don't share too many common political views, the writing was sound, the language luscious, and I'll return to the blog. I also want to learn more about Guantanamo after reading that.

On the non-political end of the spectrum, "When John Denver Died" gets my vote.

hln

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Wahoo!

Hans sent me this - a blog entry about masking credit card numbers now being law!

The reason he sent it? I am notorious for blacking out my credit card number on paper - especially at restaurants.

I needed some good news today. (Granted, it's something that shouldn't NEED a law, but, we'll, y'know).

hln

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Ahem, Mr. Green

Let's talk a bit about communication, readers. I have a degree in it, so that ought to count for something.

With any message, there's, at the simplest, a sender and a receiver. Now, I as a sender may have one intent when he or she releases the message, and the receiver may twist it in a way to suit his or her needs/desires (I shouldn't talk about needs or desires in this post). I believe that's what happened here. I mean, I do it myself - like take Frank J. literally and laugh at him when he calls his brother a bastard.

I digress.

You see, I mentioned this to Mr. Green, in response to a quite funny post (most of them are lately - he's doing well on that funny pill regimen). I shall quote myself.

First, you are quickly becoming one of the blogosphere's funniest bloggers.

Second, you forgot to mention Gainpro penis enlargement. When I first began blogging, this is where ALL my hits came from (I went through the spam in my hotmail inbox one day, and 25% of the mail was from Gainpro).

Gainpro! Put it in your main post.

hln

And here's what er, arose from it. Be ready to laugh. Mother, you may chide him. Go comment on his blog.

Hey, everybody, it's penis humor week at angelweave!

hln

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Sick, Ill, Turning Stomach. Reaves Family, Meet Chante Mallard

Meet Rodney Michael Reaves and Charlott Lynett Reaves. I'd introduce you to Rodney's daughter, Joella, but I can't, you see. She's dead.

The girl was 11. According to this article in CNN (that I found via Boots and Sabers - Owen posted it yesterday), the father and stepmother were "punishing" the child for trying to leave the home.

The girl, Joella Reaves, was beaten over her entire body with an umbrella and paddle for several days, according to the arrest warrant. Her cause of death was listed as blunt force trauma.

"When she attempted to escape, she was hogtied. She was left with no food or water or sanitary or sleeping necessities," the warrant said.

Joella was being punished by her parents, according to the warrant. Police, attorneys and child welfare officials would not say what she had done to anger her parents.

Maybe she didn't do anything at all. What I do know, is there is nothing so terrible she could have done to warrant a fraction of this treatment. When I introduce the Reaves adults to Chante Mallard, I mean to say that they're going to meet in the 7th circle of hell, round 1. All boiling in blood together.

Good riddance, and may guilt rot any remnant of your soul.

hln

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Welcome to Mike the Marine

Mike the Marine has made the transition from reader to writer/reader. And it's a good thing.

He fisks an automobile?

He offers a disclaimer!

He's also getting blogrolled as soon as I find the time to update. Breathe, Heather, breathe. Probably this weekend, Mike. "Blogroll changes" is on the whiteboard.

Oh, and he reads me daily? I never would've known. He only comments like y'know, once every month maybe. Am I that uncommentable people, I mean, come on! If you'd have signed up for a Christmas card, you would've had the bonus of a PETA address label (which I just think is hilarious), but noooooo, you people who have the audacity to visit me and NOT COMMENT and NOT E-MAIL and NOT LINK to some of my brilliant artistry...okay, I'd best chill.

This post was about Mike the Marine, right? I think I need to get to the gym. Focus, Heather. A manic blogger does no one any good.

hln

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Gephardt and Unions

Big stuff here in archland - all that was really on the news on the 6:00 p.m. drive home (with the exception that there are some computer-drawn images of the new St. Louis Cardinals ballpark to be).

A couple of unions request the head of one of Richard Gephardt's campaign managers on a platter. Stat.

Why?

Gerald McEntee and Andrew Stern, presidents of two of the largest AFL-CIO unions, demanded in a sharply worded letter that Gephardt fire Joyce Aboussie, his campaign vice chair, saying she issued an "ultimatum" to their unions during a meeting Monday in St. Louis County that also included Gov. Bob Holden.

Aboussie suggested that she would take steps to get a key collective bargaining order for state workers rescinded if the two unions tried to help Dean in Missouri, McEntee and Stern said.

Yesterday, on KMOX, there was a short soundbite from Aboussie. The Post-Dispatch quotes it in this article.

Aboussie issued a statement Wednesday saying her meeting with the AFSCME and SEIU officials was "not authorized" by Gephardt or the campaign. "In a candid discussion of Missouri politics, I expressed my belief that people in Missouri Democratic politics were upset by the SEIU/AFSCME endorsements of Howard Dean," she said. "If anyone felt threatened by what I said, I apologize."

Gephardt's applying the Teflon™ approach.

A Gephardt campaign spokeswoman, Kim Molstre, said Aboussie would not be fired. But she quickly tried to distance Gephardt from the incident. "Dick knew nothing about this. He did not give authorization for this to happen. And as far as he's concerned . . . when Joyce was in this meeting, she was not speaking as a representative for the Gephardt campaign," Molstre said.

And the meat of the issue.

McEntee and Stern said Aboussie warned that if they didn't comply, she would send a letter signed by 22 Democratic state legislators calling for the repeal of Holden's executive order giving state employees collective bargaining rights, a longtime public service union goal.

Such infighting! Can't we all just get along?

The Sophorist wrote on this also.

hln

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The Grinning Masturbator

Yes, this week I'm starting early, hoping to post a script on the wall of the Champagne Room.

It was a cool October day in 1994. Yes, really, it was, but I was still wearing a really, really short dress (which I still have and wear). I was casually dating a young man - this being my senior year of college - and I had taken him out for his, heh, 19th birthday earlier that day. I was also wearing rather high heels (because said young man was 6'5"...like 'em tall).

I normally had class that lasted up until almost 4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I'm certain this was a Tuesday or a Thursday. But, no, not this day. For some reason my late class was cancelled, so I was walking across the street (which was done using an underpass) and into the "nicest" parking lot on campus. It cost $65 a year to park there, and I had splurged, seeing as this was my last semester of college, fall of '94.

My car was near the back of the lot, which faced Elm Street, so this perhaps can be filed under Nightmare on, but it's just too damned funny.

I approached the car, and I was on the same row as it but walking west. Heels slow a woman down, so when I heard a car behind me, I figured I was in its way and stepped to the right.

The car did not pass.

I have this uncanny sense sometimes. Do you? Do you just KNOW when something's not quite right? Or when someone is watching you a bit too intently for your comfort?

I turned my head to the left, and driving slowly alongside me was a bearded man (dark hair, dark beard). His automobile was a current (at that time) tan coupe, a Camry or something. He was smiling...oh was he smiling. And he was in motion, even if his car was really, well, not.

And y'know what? He wasn't wearing any pants. And that wasn't the stick shift and a moving "OK" sign. Yeah - he's grinning pretty madly - as if it's normal for a dark-bearded man to be lying (driving) in wait to stun me with his original rendition of air penis. I mean, WHAT THE HELL!

Well, what's a girl to do? Original reaction was just shock, I said "Oh Shit!" There was no one around to hear me, but I didn't feel like I was in any immediate danger, so I did a logical thing (besides laughing hysterically) - I walked toward other people instead of tipping this guy off as to which car was mine.

And I didn't look back.

I went to work - American National Property and Casual Insurance. ANPAC. I mentioned to the girls and ladies there what had just happened, and they all said, "report the guy!" That hadn't even come across my mind, but, yeah, I could've been a 16 year-old or something, or easily shocked. That could really have bothered me instead of eliciting the "Oh Shit!" response.

So, I'm living with my parents that semester. I come home, and they've got some company - can't remember who. I tell my story, crack my mother up, and she agrees I should report the guy. So I do on the next day, and campus' police system has had other complaints for a man fitting a similar description.

Some time passes, probably a year. I've actually moved to Columbia, MO at this point and am enrolled in grad school and working as a legal secretary. My mother calls me at work. Campus police gave her a ring trying to find me to see if I can come on down and look at some mug shots, attempt to identify the guy. I tell her, "sure." She said the officer explained who he was and why he was calling, and she said, "oh, you mean the grinning masturbator?" At which point he tried to keep his composure but let slip a few chuckles.

So, call me they did - at work. And the officer said, "do you think you could identify him? And I said, "clothed or unclothed?"

Turns out, the pictures that they offered me a few weeks later when I went home for a weekend were not the guy. But, hey, great story, no?

And I really don't like dark beards. I think all dark-beareded men must own some stashed away, uh, stained? 1994 tan coupe or 10. Sorry Harvey, but now you have the whole story why Heather doesn't like bearded dudes.

hln

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Adam Posts!

No, really - it's like one a month, but I do enjoy reading it. It's entitled "Why I hate being a republican, or my secret life as a democratic stooge." Interestingl...a sample:

I love the language of this article. It is an amazing tribute to how "the right wing media machine" loves to slant everything wildly. Demon-crats and Communists hold hands and dance on the graves of hardworking American families. Yeah, ok... Just like I'm a uncaring facist who slays children in their sleep to ensure the racial purity of our nation.

The post.

hln

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Quick Links

I'm way behind in reading, and I made some inroads in catching up yesterday, but, naa, let's face it - I'm behind.

A few quick things of note around the blogosphere.

Kate's resumed Letter of the Day with "M" yesterday. M linkees, I'll try to get to you, but, sigh...

Kevin of Wizbang! is accepting nominations for Weblog Awards (many, many categories).

Little Green Footballs is sponsoring the 2003 Robert Fisk Award for Idiotarian of the Year (found via Wizbang).

Snooze Button Dreams offers The Bestofme Symphony. Posts you submit must be at least 2 months old, and they don't have to be your posts. Check it out. (Saw this on Jennifer's History and Stuff and Electric Venom.)

Blackfive is running a virtual Soup Kitchen.

Baldilocks offers some well-thought words on the death of a 400-pound man who had a likely drug-induced run-in with some police officers. Oh, and he was black.

Trey Givens is back. The Peruvian ladies love him.

Hans is posting. Like, a lot. He gently laments the fall of Blogshares.

Frank J. is having a readership drive. Huh? I pointed him to the Bartender.

Jennifer admonishes the blogger suffering from blog multiplicity.

hln

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Speaks For Itself

CHICAGO (AFP) - Women smokers face twice the risk of developing lung cancer as men, but it is not yet clear why the cancer risk for women is higher, according to the findings of a study.

The study, presented here to the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America, also found women smokers faced a much higher risk than men of developing lung cancer no matter how often they smoked or how old they were.

"We found that women had twice the risk of developing lung cancer as men, independent of how much they smoked, their age, or the size and textures of nodules found in their lungs," explained Claudia Henschke, a professor of radiology and division chief of chest imaging at the Cornell Medical Center in New York.

Wow. So, ladies, what're you going to do?

(Source).

hln

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King of Blogs

One step closer to crowning the King!

First Round Winners at the King of the Blogs Tournament are...

• Adrian Warnock
• eTALKINGHEAD
• Evangelical Outpost

Visit.

hln

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Put This Man Out of a Job

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - A Baptist minister whose fall from grace began with a fire his wife set at a home he had secretly bought with his mistress will walk out of prison on Sunday and head directly to the pulpit.

No. No no no no no.

Would you take spiritual guidance from THIS man? (I haven't even gotten to the rest of his wrongdoings. It gets worse.)

The answer, most seriously, is no way. I don't remember ever writing about Christianity, my beliefs. Perhaps now is the time.

I have exactly 10 minutes, so I'll not be able to do an insightful Michael Williams-style post complete with scripture passages, but I think I'll amble along just fine with the points I intend to make.

Ministers - members of the clergy - undergo rigorous instruction in the faith. I can't speak for the Baptist denomination, but Lutheran ministers who study in the seminary learn to read Hebrew to more fully understand the Bible in its original language/context. Those of us who are familiar with Christianity and its teachings know and can recite the ten commandmants. Armed with that alone, this man knew better.

He knew - or should have known - that there are consequences for actions. For him, indeed, the consequences were great regardless of whether or not he was ever "caught."

The bible speaks that we are lost souls without God. I've always interpreted that to mean that God, through Jesus, has saved us. That we still have the responsibility to ourselves and to God to try to lead the best possible life, and through parables and teachings, the actions of Jesus, we are given the path. The man who "stands around" and "waits" for spiritual guidance is nothing more than a sheep who will never find his shepherd, not truly believing that he has been given the tools he needs to live an as-virtuous-as-possible life.

Back to this man. Sexual sins by the clergy are reprehensible. I never commented on the Catholic debacle, and this will suffice to say I'll not do so again, but the theme ties here. The actions of leaders, who are given power and authority IN THE NAME OF GOD, must be beyond reproach. Especially in this world where so many dismiss Christianity due to the scandals and corruption. How can we expect those who don't believe - especially rational adults - to look past the messes made by people and find God when their own husbands, wives, and children may be nothing more than eventual prey?

Now, am I qualified to judge? No, not really. I am also not a spiritual leader, and though God may see a sin as a sin, societally, we know different.

And, societally, we judge and decide what we believe. I tell you this man is an obvious disservice to Christianity.

Now, that being said, I'll give you some more meat from the article

Lyons will have completed his prison sentence on grand theft and racketeering charges, but will remain on probation for the next three years on federal charges of including bank fraud and tax evasion. He also owes $2.5 million in restitution.

Wildly popular and charismatic, Lyons was at the height of his power as pastor of Bethel Metropolitan Baptist Church and president of the National Baptist Convention 1997, when Deborah Lyons set fire to the house.

The resulting investigation unmasked Lyons' use of his leadership role at the convention to access millions of dollars to finance his lavish lifestyle. Officials estimate that Lyons took about $4 million to buy luxury residences, jewelry and support his mistresses.

I believe I am finished.

hln

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